Whoa, Life! This is weird (but I like it)!

Last weekend was full of tears and hopelessness and lots of screaming and stuff like that. There were lots of emotions involved: from utter, unjustified happiness to utter (un)justified desperation. It's weird. It's been long since I last cried like that (almost exactly 11 months XD).

So everything just kinda finally exploded because I wasn't able to find a job. I'm in debt for one month of school fee and I was about to shoot myself (not really, tho) when I started telling myself I had to find a way to settle things out. So...I thought the best thing to do (and that was something I've had in mind for a long, long time...ever since I started school, actually) was to finish my thesis project and then go out to the big bad world and see whatever it has to offer (if it even has anything to offer yet). And so I finished my  new research protocol (I changed my study subject but I like this lots more and that kinda makes it easier :B), sent it to my consultant teacher, hoping she would answer back as soon as she could for me to register it at school and apply for a scholarship. I also started saving all I could from the first chapter I already had written and it so happened to fit beautifully, so... I've already 15 pages there XD

She did answer, by the way. And I can't tell how happy I am to have her beside me.

And then D chan (bless her, totally bless her) appeared and I told her all that happened and then she asked whether I was interested in being in a research project she's working at now, for her own consultant teacher, who's a researcher in our University. So, things happened and now I am working there. And I'll be there for the next year or so until I'm done with my thesis project and I'll be able to keep up with Japanese and take Noryoku Shiken and keep up with my singing and dubbing classes and I'll be able to pay for that and I'll still be at the choir. AAAAND I'll also be able to see D chan everyday as we did at the Film Library :')

Even my family are acting different towards me and I feel so calm and so much better...although I'm still struggling to change my old habits to good ones so I can do everything and don't die in the process XDDDD

And all that happened in less than a week. And I cried last night again, but out of sheer dumb happiness and disbelief and things that are finally paying off after such a shitty couple of years. It's the first time in life I've ever cried of happiness. I feel I've taken the right choices in life. Even if they are rather slow...but all's paying off and I'm so happy I didn't choose otherwise...no matter how many people I've left behind u.u There are some I miss...and there are some I feel happy to have left. That sounds horrible, but I think it couldn't've been otherwise u.u

Anyways, things are getting better and I hope they stay that way :') Imma try not to slow down :B

Yay taking care of my class! (...For real, tho?) XD

So, today was Children's Day in my country and I saw lots of boys and girls dressed up as they pleased and wearing fantasy make up and all that XD

Also, today P sensei asked me: "Rincon san, you said in your presentation that you wanted to become a Japanese sensei some day, didn't you?" And as I asked: "Eh? :D", she told me: "Because you're going to take care of this group next Thursday."

:D

:D

:D!!!

(...whut? .___.)

It ain't that big of a deal. It'd be like...for one hour and sensei's already got all the activities planned for us to do, so...

But still. It's being in charge of a class...in University. Like...being a professor assistant. I never thought I'd be any of that .___. Mostly because I...never stand out in any other class :D

This is weird. So weird .___. XD But I'll do my best. As I said, it can't much of a deal...かな。。。

In other news, I blew an orange balloon inside the classroom as we were listening to the text book's CD and it was silly. I did it because I was looking for something inside my bag and then I came into it because I used it for my singing class (so I could give my notes the support they need. It's an exercise where you have to blow it while you press your cheeks so you have to use the pressure of your diaphragm in order to do it successfully. It is important because, that way, the note doesn't tremble and it sounds a lot more powerful and neat :D) and it was lying there. So I took it up my mouth and I blew into it, pressing my cheeks and it ended up being a round, plastic protuberance of a considerable size.

Sensei lifted her gaze just out of habit and she eyed me. Then she realised what she was seeing and started laughing. I laughed too and shrugged. I released the air and my classmates turned around to look for the source of the unexpected noise and I started laughing under my breath.

Mum told me I used to be like that when I was a kid: I did whatever came to my mind just because I wanted to. She smiled when I told her all this :) I smiled too XD I had almost forgotten my spontaneity and enthusiasm. It's nice to be reminded of it when you feel as lost and as unplugged from whatever-you-used-to-be as much as I've been feeling lately u.u Identity issues u.u XD

Also, my children's day gift was to spend the evening with mum, watching The Hobbit for a second time and eating sweets~ :3

Life's been good. I hope...it stays that way ;^;

Wish me luck next Thursday, pretty please? .___. XD

I never know anything .____.

It's midJan and I never even wished you a merry xmas ._____.

Merry Xmas and happy New Year! D: XD

I'm so bad at keeping blogs D: I sure am u.u Oh gee. I wanted to make a Sherlock and an OUAT review so badly...but I've been sorta tired. And I don't even know why .___. Maybe it's because I've been sorta depressed. And I don't even know why... Well, actually I do know why is that XDD

Last December I finished my college studies. I still need to write my thesis and I don't want to do it. Why? Because it takes way too much time and you usually are wrong in whatever you write and have to write it again. I hate that. But I also think that I should prolly have it done soon if I don't want to have that damn boulder on my back later on my life u.u

Why can't my school be as private universities here where you graduate just by sitting in their classrooms for four and a half years? This is so shitty u.ú (Here, public universities are said to be better than private ones u.u)

Also...I'm scared. Because writing a thesis is such a responsibility. And I don't think I'm ready to be responsible of whatever comes out of my head...and gets captured in paper sheets. I know I do feel responsible of my fanfics and the original stories I write and publish on my dA account...but it's not quite the same thing because this is formal and it's important in an academic level u.u I don't wanna screw it up. But I also don't want to make something big of it because I just want the damn paper that says I'm a college graduate =____=

And then comes my ego and tells me I should do something amazing...just to feel frustrated about not getting a honourable mention because of my crappy and mediocre school marks u.ú Mind you, it ain't because I'm stupid... Or maybe it is, because I wanted to learn even if it meant to have awful marks...and when I didn't learn a thing, I didn't even bother doing my best because the teacher and the subject didn't motivate me enough u.u

So, I think that, in short, I'm prolly scared of growing up but I don't wanna stick there for too long because I'm done already and I need to finish it right u.u

That's for one.

Then...ever since the world ended (for me it did...exactly two months before it was predicted to end), I've had this urge to leave everything I know behind me. Everything I was, everything I wanted to do...ALL of it. I've been trying hard to change. Of course it isn't easy. And I've also been trying to put an end to certain things I've been carrying on my back since High School. I've been changing my hair (now it is multicoloured XD), my dress style...even the way I walk. I'm not betraying myself, I'm just trying to polish the one I am in order to be who I am truly supposed to be and embrace that being. I'm trying to be fair and patient with myself and I'm trying to forgive myself for stupid things that I've done even though I knew I would hurt myself. It's hard. It's harder than I thought to reconcile with oneself. I always tend to expect so much of my person and I always end up disappointing me...but lately I've found I'm really able to do things I didn't know I could do and that makes me feel really positive and happy and even satisfied. But it's never good enough for me...and that's where I think I need to be more patient.

I finally ended something I was stuck with for about four, five years or something. And I felt great, because it had a happy ending. And that gave me a wonderful lesson about patience and love and calmness. I won't rush anything anymore. I won't rush myself to heal because that's not the answer or the way it is supposed to be. I think it's important to let time through and lick the wounds and heal the bruises because everything will fall into place when it has to. I'm way too impatient, I know. But I've to learn everything happens for a reason and I might have to find my way into this new world on my own...and then take care of this paused thing. And everything will be wonderful afterwards and it'll be a happy ending. Whatever happens. I'm sure of that :)

See? I'm depressed but I'm also quite positive about my immediate and far future XD *le sigh* =w=

In other news:

* My youngest brother's been quite supportive lately and I'm so thankful and happy for that.

* I'm finally taking japanese classes :9 I'll start in two weeks time :3

* I wanted to take russian too, but my school wouldn't let me ¬3¬

* I'm getting away from Twitter for three weeks or something more XD

* I've rediscovered my love for Kokia and I finally uploaded Karma's second chapter (almost a year after I posted the first one XD #fail). I should be planning the third one already .____. XD

* My acting teacher keeps telling me how much he enjoys my work and I'm happy about that :3 I just hope I can make a career outta that because I'd seriously love that. Dubbing,  I mean. Even singing.

* My mom's offering to pay my singing classes u.u So...I might just as well start with that this year, I dunno.

* The lady at Vocational Orientation at school told me my curriculum was quite nice and that she might have something for me to start my professional practices.

* I'm buying myself some new clothes to match my new coloured hair XDDD

Aaaaaand...I dunno what else ._____. But life's been quite nice this last week :3 I hope the whole year is like this ^^; Last was absolute crap .____. (Not all of it...but there were powerful things that took me off my centre and off balance ;^; I hope to fix that this year u.u)

No pic today because I dunno what to put here .____. XD Well, I do know but it's embarrassing, so no XD

And...this is about to end, I guess...

Et je me sens mieux...

Today is the last day of the semester :D School's official Twitter account already bid farewell to our generation. I sent my teacher the first two chapters of my graduation project last night and I had my last beloved MNM class. It was quite fun :D Although I was kinda tired and I kept yawning u.u

And then...

Tomorrow's my first acting exam. And I'm kinda...uneasy =A= Ha...haha...ha. I do know all my lines, but I still feel like that. I guess that's normal... My teacher told me it was good that I felt all nervous because that meant I was in the right place. I guess...that means you need to be over-sensitive for these kinda things .____.

But I don't really like to feel that bad D:

I say so because I was so nervous the first day I played Lidia (not when I read her part, but when I already knew she was mine) that, when I came back to the nest, my head hurt like hell, I threw up and I went to sleep at 7:30 pm... =______=

Next day I was quite alright .______. I just hope I can do a good job u.u They told us we'd have professional voice actors in the audience... *dies*

Also...

It's been two months already. Last Wednesday, actually. Ha...haha *sigh* I must say I feel a lot better. And I'm somehow impatient. But I don't wanna push things. I somehow feel it's not time... Not yet. Then, I start feeling anxious and feeling I need to talk to her again because...she might not like me anymore whenever I decide it is the right time to come back. But then I tell myself it might be that...my time's been over for eight months already...

And then Tú comes and hits my head... And tells me to mind my own business for now and that time will come if it ever has to. And if it doesn't, then it's also OK. We did our best as long as we were there and as much as we could and we need to follow the winds of change XDDD

Maybe he's right. I feel this mighty need of being my life's main character for once (yeah, I thought I was the secondary character and the only reason I was here was to help other people out. But lately, there's been  this impatience in Tú telling me I need to take this more seriously u.u)... I should be starting already.

...And she just faved the twit I retwited from my school .____. Hahaha... Ha >3>

And I can't write decently well anymore ;^; *creys manly tears of sorrow*

*sigh*

Bonus! :D

'Pool... Because he's awesome and I love him and he always makes me feel better even if his own life's horrible u.u :)

Wish me luck ;^; XD I should be sleeping already .______. XD

Love? Or something else? :3

The word "love" doesn't exist in the mixteca imaginarium. There is no word in mixteco to name such an abstract concept. But there is something you can say in that language that's similar to the "love" concept. She didn't tell us what the word was (the mixteca writer that told us all this), but she did tell us what it meant in Spanish and I'll translate it in English now:

Tu esencia se encontró con la mía.
Your essence met mine.

Tu esencia me tomó.

Your essence took me.

Mixtecas are the people of the rain :3 Their language, in their own words, is known as "words of the rain".

*sigh* Such a nice concept... Such beautiful things, different cosmogony: transformation as well. So amazing...

And all that's in my own country. I wish I had more time and people to teach me those languages u.u I'd love to learn mixteco and tsoltsil :BBB Also náhuatl...but mixteco sounds so much like chinese and tsoltsil is more like...crackling fire~ <3 A lot more click-clack~ =w=

I know. I always come and type here whatever silly thing comes to my mind or happens in my life. Today it ain't something silly. It's something pretty :) And magical. I loved my class...but I love it a lot more now :BBB

Bonus! Talking about change and transformation :BB

A butterfly~ :3

Special mention to Karu because tomorrow's her first day at work...and she was kind enough to go and see me today.

This was it :)

I'm uncontrollably excited XDDD

I finally told her what I felt... And she apologised and she explained... Not that she actually had to. But she told me nice things and that lifted that damn heavy weight from my back and my heart and all ;^; I'm so happy. I think I haven't felt like this ever since last year *creys*

So, let's keep this thing up! I'm happy, happy and uncontrollably excited. Things are getting better and I have to keep that up, no matter how hard it seems!

My acting teacher told me he thinks I'm good at acting. I don't think so myself, but it's good to know people like whatever silly things I come up with. He's not the only one. Friends there have told me the same. I dunno...

I'm gonna miss them when they leave for next module ;^; I'm gonna stay with my younger classmates...and I dunno if I am excited because of that.

I need to start, seriously, with that thesis now >3> Time's almost up! TOT

Mah, we'll sort it out somehow :BBB

Bonus! :DDD

Because it's funny. And I loved that hand XDDD

Random note~

According to my last Multicultural Nation class, when shadows leave people’s bodies, they seek dark corners to keep warm because, in the absence of their body, they get cold… And the person who loses his/her shadow, gets ill.

I always tend to look for corners… I sit there and I sleep there...

Does that mean I’m a body-less shadow? o.o XDDD

I liked that conception, if I must be honest :9

So. Now I’m a body-less shadow~ <3 But no-body lost me XDDD

(Note: They told us that because we were speaking about traditional medicine in my country :3 There’s still a bit of magic in the air, y’know?)

Bonus. Just because :DDD

Let's move forward. I'm doing my best, I swear u.u Well...not really. But I'm gonna try harder! >w<9 Because I'm worth it XDDDDD And it's fair :3

I dunno what to think lately XDDD

* My Acting teacher asked me whether I wanted to join his professional acting group XDDD

* My SS coordinator told me that, in the four years she's been in charge of that office, she had never been given an absolutely, perfectly spelled report and she congratulated me because of that.

I dunno what to think because...

* I've only been in that acting class for three days XDDD I think he only told me that because he somehow likes me and feels comfy with me... I'm quoting XDDD I like him. He's a nice person, but I ...dunno XD And maybe he told me so because he was drunk at the moment XDDD

* But my boss told me I should stop asking myself too much and go with the flow, because he must've told me that for a reason. Not only because he likes me...or was drunk XD

As for the second question...

* I dunno whether I should feel honoured...or feel sorry for all the people that have been through that place...before me XDDD

Lala~ C'est la vie, c'est la vie~ :3

Random stuff:

I opened a birthday gift today. Not yours, Kuro. Of course not. I'm being able to restrain myself from doing that! >w<9 Nope. It was Karu's :3

Here:

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende :3 It's special because it's her favourite book. Well, not this edition XDDD But you know, the story and all and the edition she bought :3 And it's as though she's given me a little part of herself to have with me for life XD

That's all I wanted to say for now XDD :3

Take A Chance On Me~ :D XD

♫ If you change your mind,

I'm the first in line.

Honey, I'm still free:

Take a chance on me.

If you need me, let me know: 

I'm gonna be around.

If you've got no place to go,

if you're feeling down~♪

I finally could sing that song freely :) I didn't feel upset anymore.

That's a progress, a nice change. Of course I've thought about her. Not as much as I did last year. But it's nice to be able to leave misunderstandings behind :) It'd be nice if I could see her and say the same XD But I think I still need to work on that. Am not ready yet u.u

Anyway, I sang it because I told Karl that Sher (that's how we call that guy we like) did go out with some girls of our generation and that another friend of ours was thinking on asking him to go to the movies with her. Then Karl told me to ask him to the movies myself. I just laughed and that's when I started singing XD

♫ If you're all alone

when the pretty birds have flown

Honey, I'm still free:

Take a chance on me.

Gonna do my very best

and it ain't no lie.

If you put me to the test, 

if you let me try.

Take a chance on me~♪

Of course, no Me in her right state of mind (which is usually devious) would do anything of the sort. So, after I sang, I kindly (and that's weird, coming from me XD) refused to even think about it. And Karl told me: "I'm asking you to do it in order to live that experience through you!" I laughed again and shook my head.

Yeah, I will never do anything like that until I've successfully gotten over him... Which may be in about two or three years =w=b

I might post something relating my Monday Avengers experience :D But I only might, since finals are right around the corner...and tomorrow's Mother's Day, so... XDDD

No pics today, coz I've none to share relating this now u.u XD

I just had to... XD

Lots of things've happened around me lately. For instance, I've returned to school and classes've been just fine :) I've been seeing that special person on Tuesdays and Fridays and he's been giving his classes way too near me >///> ARGH!

Then, I've been watching xmfc every weekend almost religiously and all. I've also started paying my social service in my school's Film Library. It's right in front of my school, which is quite convenient~ :D And it's quite awesome working there, although I returned home quite early today because my boss was sick and I've done all the work I had to on Wednesday :) (Such an efficient worker I am when I need to be so XD)

A pic of my office. Friends can come and visit me as long as my boss ain't around XD

We also went to celebrate one of my uncles' birthday last weekend and it was quite fun. We ate lots of food, walked and fooled around a little bit, we ate candy (traditional candy XD) and we also saw lots and lots of cute little animals. We played passes with a football...ball XDDD Here some cute pics XDD

Place and animals XD

Woods and clouds :D

A quite friendly dog :D

Another quite friendly dog XD

More animals :D XD

Little goats :3

A nice young bull~ :3

Baby bunnies cuddling together! :D XD

Food! :D

A huitlacoche quesadilla~ :D It was yummy -w- XD 

Salt, salsa and a coke XD

And candies~ XD

Palanqueta de cacahuate (Peanuts and caramel XD)

Acitrón (I think there's no way to translate that, I dunno .___.)  and a mango Boing XDD

Palanqueta de pepitas (pumpkin seeds and caramel)

Jamoncillo de pepitas de calabaza XD (It's made of pumpkin seeds~)

A milk candy~ :D

It was a quite nice and peaceful day~ :D

Aaand...I think that's all about that. Today one of my best friends gave me a Placebo DVD~ :) I was happy~ And, since I didn't have work to do at the Film Library, I went to a CD shop to buy a movie...and I ended up buying about...4 D: Kuro, you're such a bad influence! D: XDDD Most of them were or James's or Fassy's >> I might post a pic of those as soon as I take it but what I wanted to show you was what I saw at the shop XD

I was walking, looking for those movies I wanted when, suddenly, I saw this:

In case you can't see it, I'm gonna put it this way: I was innocently looking for those films I wanted. Then, I turned around and saw the X-Men tetralogy. I took it from that shelf and, when I turned around, I saw there was a Gay Films section right beside it... Coincidence? ô_o XDDDD

It was such a hilarious thing I had to take a pic of it. And here it is. I'm sorry if it is terribly focused, but I was in a hurry in case it wasn't allowed to take pics in there u.u XD

There you go, Kuro XDDD

Now it is all~ :3

Victoire!

So, I just registered all the classes I'm taking next semester at school. Haha. Well, not all of them. Because stupid know-it-alls took all the places left. I hate them so much T^T

Anyways, I'm still poking school's system in case someone decides to leave and take another subject... Which I doubt because no one in their right mind would be stupid enough to leave that professor once they have him >> Aaaand if that doesn't work, then I'll have to go...and...ask him...whether I can...>///>

So, yeah u///ú

I hope this semester's good fun. I'm sharing most of my clases with people I like :D So, I think I'm gonna enjoy their company at least :D And classes sound nice: Edition of Original Works, Publishing Design, Specialized Journalism II and Thesis Projects...or something like that XD The one I wanted to take and couldn't register is Cinema Sociology...again, something like that XD

The building in the pic up there's my school library, btw. If you wondered XD Lalalala~

Love y'all :D

>Rin~