Damn! I'm not good at this orz
*sigh* Anyway. Last post was that short and was a rant because my parents wanted us to go on a family trip to the beach. I'm usually not against it. Problem was I gave my parents a whole week of my time (during which I didn't even go out) and they didn't use it. And suddenly, when I had my whole week planned with my friends and all...they did this. That's why I was all pissed. I had to cancel all my compromises and all u.u
But it was a nice trip :) I might post some pics... Later XD
Hm. I really don't have much to tell. Although...last week was kinda full of things. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a long, long time. She has changed lots. And she was angry at me because I neglected her way too much. I must confess I am not a constant person (as you can see). It isn't because I don't care. It's just I tend to feel restricted when I have to see/go out/talk to people every day or...when I don't really feel like it...or when I am busy u.u I sometimes feel I'm pretty selfish and that I am not good-friend/good-girlfriend material XD;;; But that's because I think friends are there always... Even if you don't talk to them often... As long as you're there for then when they need you and they're there for you whenever you need them, I think it's great.
Maybe that's what happened. She needed me and I wasn't there for her...
Also, I like to have fun with friends. And...sometimes I felt somehow...stressed when I was with her, because all we talked about were problems u.u I dunno... I did like to spend time with her...but she was so negative sometimes. And I felt, too, that I didn't have much to share with her, since I'm still like...a child-adolescent-stupid girl and she was very keen in growing up u.u Also, I didn't know what to say when she told me about her situation. I had no way of giving my views on the matter. I felt nothing I could tell her or do...could help her in any way. I guess... I simply gave up. I think she's my first big failure.
Anyway. We first talked on the phone. She called because she wanted me to give her back a book she lent me years ago and she also wanted to give me two books I lent her. So, we talked. Obviously, we couldn't skip the main reason why we hadn't seen each other lately. And she told me about her life. I got depressed. She's had a tough one, as always. And I wasn't there. I felt like shit, because I wasn't there for her when she was going through such difficult times. But...what would I've done in case I was there?
I truly have no idea. And I felt useless. I got so self-conscious, depressed and so emotionally drained after that conversation that I fell asleep on the sofa as soon as we hung up. Next day, I saw her. I trusted we would only swap books and leave, but she asked me whether I had something else to do... So, I stayed with her until she did what she had to. We talked. It wasn't awkward. But I still dunno... *sigh*
**
My stomach was upset since Friday because of an indigestion prob D: That and, I think, the stress of trying to register the last two classes I'll take as a degree student, caused it XD Nonetheless, that didn't stop me from staying at my sis's with my other sis (yep, Karl, you're officially my sis now. God bless you, dear, and may Odin be ever with you) and watch yoyo animu with them XDDD It was pretty much fun. You know, because of fangirlism and stuff.
We didn't sleep, btw.
They also suggested something for the stupid story I'm trying to write. Tú (that's my brain's name) likes the idea. I'm still in denial =w=
And today...realisation hit my face, mercilessly. I... I'm about to finish school. No more classes, no more HW, no more...school life. That made me feel self-conscious again. I mean, my sister is having her graduation party in ten days (her mum's paying my ticket... That's so nice of her ;^; I'm in debt). I'm having mine on January, but I don't want any of that shit >''< I don't like many of my classmates. I'd rather have a small meeting with all the people I do like and keep in touch with them u.u Or to have that money to pay for my dubbing classes u.u That's one of my silliest, more desperate, biggest dreams ever.
I'm about to finish my social service in a month. I still need to do that stupid English exam X_x I'm scared! TOT9
I'm about to finish my social service in a month. I still need to do that stupid English exam X_x I'm scared! TOT9
Also, I realised I'm still seeing two friends from High School up till now. That's a lot. And I still want to see them. That means they're VERY important to me. And I'm sure Karl is gonna be one of those significant friends too XD
Am also starting an online course of french reading. Should be interesting. I wanna study japanese on my own again :3 So, I might, since I'll have some free time in my hands.
*sigh*
So. That's been it. Feelings all over the place, innit? I'm selfish and I'm self-conscious.
Oh, I've just listened to SID's newest album :D I might post a review here later~ :3 All I can say now is...I FREAKING LOVE IT!! °((>w<))° But, that's the fangirl speaking XD
