New things and I feel rather old XD

I'm starting Japanese classes tomorrow. It's weird because it's gonna be so different. And it's the only thing I'm gonna do. I'm sorta scared, y'know? It's been quite long since I last had a language class .____. I hope I still have the flavour. Might post my first week experience by Friday or something. I dunno. I feel old because I'm certain most of my classmates will be younger people and I don't tend to get along them...or with many people of my age, actually .____. (There are happy exceptions of course u.ub) Oh, the youth! .____.

I spent the night at my amore's house. I wanted to leave before night came, but I failed epically, so... No XD And we talked and LOL'd and were quite happy. I dunno . I felt somehow free. I feel like that every time I am with him. It's as though I can totally be myself when he's around. That's the magic of my Orion's belt *le sigh* I love them so much~ <3 I'm really, truly pleased :3

We watched Big Time Rush together and he was laughing way too much with me XD

In other news:

I'm kinda...not nostalgic. I dunno how I am. I don't feel down, but I've been kinda bringing back memories and stuff...but I won't do anything about it. I think it's OK to remember things and feel pleased or sweetly moved about them and just let them rush through you and leave. I feel I'm in some kind of pause again, but memories are surrounding me and I see them and smile at them, but I don't feel I miss that person per se. I just feel I miss our friendship...but not that person...as in...I wouldn't want to see them because it'd be quite awkward. Is it weird? XD

Anyways, bonus:

This mini song!comic by Reapersun @ tumblr. I loved that song ;^; So many feels T_T And the comic art's just gorgeous u.u Sherlock related, so... But I think you may get it anyways u.u

The Game Is On

The game is so on right now. It's in times like these when you realise how much of an adult you're supposed to be already u.u

What I do know about that is this: I'm so not one and I don't think I'm ready to do whatever I am supposed to do or what's expected of me as an adult...but I'll surely do my best. And, since people say I'm good at acting, I'm going to act as though I know what I'm doing, as Neil Gaiman said, and I'll make good art of my life :)

In other news, yesterday was the first anniversary of my grandpa's death. There are moments when his memory seems to linger in the air. Last week I dreamt of him...and he was crying. But mum and my youngest brother say they dreamt of him too and he was nice and happy. I dunno. Maybe my unconscious is pushing my angst to conciousness and picturing it with him ^^;

Anyways, gonna do my best to keep up >w<9

Just thinking about my future again XD

I never know anything .____.

It's midJan and I never even wished you a merry xmas ._____.

Merry Xmas and happy New Year! D: XD

I'm so bad at keeping blogs D: I sure am u.u Oh gee. I wanted to make a Sherlock and an OUAT review so badly...but I've been sorta tired. And I don't even know why .___. Maybe it's because I've been sorta depressed. And I don't even know why... Well, actually I do know why is that XDD

Last December I finished my college studies. I still need to write my thesis and I don't want to do it. Why? Because it takes way too much time and you usually are wrong in whatever you write and have to write it again. I hate that. But I also think that I should prolly have it done soon if I don't want to have that damn boulder on my back later on my life u.u

Why can't my school be as private universities here where you graduate just by sitting in their classrooms for four and a half years? This is so shitty u.ú (Here, public universities are said to be better than private ones u.u)

Also...I'm scared. Because writing a thesis is such a responsibility. And I don't think I'm ready to be responsible of whatever comes out of my head...and gets captured in paper sheets. I know I do feel responsible of my fanfics and the original stories I write and publish on my dA account...but it's not quite the same thing because this is formal and it's important in an academic level u.u I don't wanna screw it up. But I also don't want to make something big of it because I just want the damn paper that says I'm a college graduate =____=

And then comes my ego and tells me I should do something amazing...just to feel frustrated about not getting a honourable mention because of my crappy and mediocre school marks u.ú Mind you, it ain't because I'm stupid... Or maybe it is, because I wanted to learn even if it meant to have awful marks...and when I didn't learn a thing, I didn't even bother doing my best because the teacher and the subject didn't motivate me enough u.u

So, I think that, in short, I'm prolly scared of growing up but I don't wanna stick there for too long because I'm done already and I need to finish it right u.u

That's for one.

Then...ever since the world ended (for me it did...exactly two months before it was predicted to end), I've had this urge to leave everything I know behind me. Everything I was, everything I wanted to do...ALL of it. I've been trying hard to change. Of course it isn't easy. And I've also been trying to put an end to certain things I've been carrying on my back since High School. I've been changing my hair (now it is multicoloured XD), my dress style...even the way I walk. I'm not betraying myself, I'm just trying to polish the one I am in order to be who I am truly supposed to be and embrace that being. I'm trying to be fair and patient with myself and I'm trying to forgive myself for stupid things that I've done even though I knew I would hurt myself. It's hard. It's harder than I thought to reconcile with oneself. I always tend to expect so much of my person and I always end up disappointing me...but lately I've found I'm really able to do things I didn't know I could do and that makes me feel really positive and happy and even satisfied. But it's never good enough for me...and that's where I think I need to be more patient.

I finally ended something I was stuck with for about four, five years or something. And I felt great, because it had a happy ending. And that gave me a wonderful lesson about patience and love and calmness. I won't rush anything anymore. I won't rush myself to heal because that's not the answer or the way it is supposed to be. I think it's important to let time through and lick the wounds and heal the bruises because everything will fall into place when it has to. I'm way too impatient, I know. But I've to learn everything happens for a reason and I might have to find my way into this new world on my own...and then take care of this paused thing. And everything will be wonderful afterwards and it'll be a happy ending. Whatever happens. I'm sure of that :)

See? I'm depressed but I'm also quite positive about my immediate and far future XD *le sigh* =w=

In other news:

* My youngest brother's been quite supportive lately and I'm so thankful and happy for that.

* I'm finally taking japanese classes :9 I'll start in two weeks time :3

* I wanted to take russian too, but my school wouldn't let me ¬3¬

* I'm getting away from Twitter for three weeks or something more XD

* I've rediscovered my love for Kokia and I finally uploaded Karma's second chapter (almost a year after I posted the first one XD #fail). I should be planning the third one already .____. XD

* My acting teacher keeps telling me how much he enjoys my work and I'm happy about that :3 I just hope I can make a career outta that because I'd seriously love that. Dubbing,  I mean. Even singing.

* My mom's offering to pay my singing classes u.u So...I might just as well start with that this year, I dunno.

* The lady at Vocational Orientation at school told me my curriculum was quite nice and that she might have something for me to start my professional practices.

* I'm buying myself some new clothes to match my new coloured hair XDDD

Aaaaaand...I dunno what else ._____. But life's been quite nice this last week :3 I hope the whole year is like this ^^; Last was absolute crap .____. (Not all of it...but there were powerful things that took me off my centre and off balance ;^; I hope to fix that this year u.u)

No pic today because I dunno what to put here .____. XD Well, I do know but it's embarrassing, so no XD