Last weekend was full of tears and hopelessness and lots of screaming and stuff like that. There were lots of emotions involved: from utter, unjustified happiness to utter (un)justified desperation. It's weird. It's been long since I last cried like that (almost exactly 11 months XD).
So everything just kinda finally exploded because I wasn't able to find a job. I'm in debt for one month of school fee and I was about to shoot myself (not really, tho) when I started telling myself I had to find a way to settle things out. So...I thought the best thing to do (and that was something I've had in mind for a long, long time...ever since I started school, actually) was to finish my thesis project and then go out to the big bad world and see whatever it has to offer (if it even has anything to offer yet). And so I finished my new research protocol (I changed my study subject but I like this lots more and that kinda makes it easier :B), sent it to my consultant teacher, hoping she would answer back as soon as she could for me to register it at school and apply for a scholarship. I also started saving all I could from the first chapter I already had written and it so happened to fit beautifully, so... I've already 15 pages there XD
She did answer, by the way. And I can't tell how happy I am to have her beside me.
And then D chan (bless her, totally bless her) appeared and I told her all that happened and then she asked whether I was interested in being in a research project she's working at now, for her own consultant teacher, who's a researcher in our University. So, things happened and now I am working there. And I'll be there for the next year or so until I'm done with my thesis project and I'll be able to keep up with Japanese and take Noryoku Shiken and keep up with my singing and dubbing classes and I'll be able to pay for that and I'll still be at the choir. AAAAND I'll also be able to see D chan everyday as we did at the Film Library :')
Even my family are acting different towards me and I feel so calm and so much better...although I'm still struggling to change my old habits to good ones so I can do everything and don't die in the process XDDDD
And all that happened in less than a week. And I cried last night again, but out of sheer dumb happiness and disbelief and things that are finally paying off after such a shitty couple of years. It's the first time in life I've ever cried of happiness. I feel I've taken the right choices in life. Even if they are rather slow...but all's paying off and I'm so happy I didn't choose otherwise...no matter how many people I've left behind u.u There are some I miss...and there are some I feel happy to have left. That sounds horrible, but I think it couldn't've been otherwise u.u
Anyways, things are getting better and I hope they stay that way :') Imma try not to slow down :B
