I'm so bad at keeping up with blogs XD

I'm so sorry. Really. I know no one reads me but myself, but I'm still sorry. I should be more eager at writing this thing. But there are sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it XD

Anyways: life's been quite nice :3 I'm so obsessed with Sherlock right now and I've already started dubbing classes as in...formally, I guess XD We started practising with a thingie called Rastamouse (about three or four episodes), then an episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and we've started with Friends' finale, part one XD

I don't like Friends that much, if I must be completely and absolutely honest. But practise is practise, I suppose. And it was great fun because today there were only two girls (a younger girl and me) and, since there are many female characters here, we ended up practising lots ^^

But I almost hyperventilated because I was dubbing a pregnant woman's reactions right when she entered labour...so...they had to record me in a different channel because one of the boys kept getting it wrong...and I was starting to feel dizzy when I had to redo the take. My legs failed me when I did the second scene X_x XD I had to do it as fast and best as I could...so I didn't have to repeat it all over and faint there .___. XD But it was interesting XD

Of course, those aren't going to be broadcasted because they're only meant to be used as scholastic material XDDD

As for my singing classes, I finally managed to reach that freaking G that was giving me problems. And I was so absurdly happy over it that I even drew it XD I must say I can't really say how happy it makes me to be able to release my voice (I still have it a little trapped in there, but it's kinda coming out and I must confess...I very much like what I hear :9). I'm also able to sing Snow White's "Someday My Prince Will Come" decently and also "Love Those Beams", which is, I think, a baroque opera or something like that :3

This is my drawing~ XD Yeah, new haircut :3 Kinda love it <3

I'll start singing about two more small baroque opera pieces next Tuesday...and I might finally get the musical comedy song I'll be singing for the concert next...October, November? I dunno.

It's so much fun and I enjoy this so much. It's so amazing to hear sounds you never ever in your life thought would leave your mouth. I'm so happy, so thankful. And, modesty apart, I really do like what I hear coming from me~ :3

Let's see whether I'll be able to overcome my stage fright and manage to sing at the concert at all .___. LOL

As for Japanese...it's ridiculous how happy I am about that. I'm trying my best and it seems as though I'm being able to bring out results to light XD

The only thing I'm worrying about now is...well...money >3>

I need to find myself a job T^T But everytime I send any CV...no one answers back and I start feeling kinda useless here.

I don't want to end up being a journalist because I really don't like that life. It scares me so much. I won't be able to cope with it and I'll be so miserable .___. I sometimes feel my CV ain't appealing enough and that saddens me. I need to look for things that would help me improve there. But how can I when they ask you for experience no one's willing to give? I've been some sort of freelancer there for about two years at school...but I dunno how much that counts and it makes me feel uneasy. I need to be behind a desk...correcting texts, editing things...looking for interesting projects in order to publish them, convince people to do so, looking for fonts, types of papers, inks...colours... *creys in a corner* I want to be an editor as badly as I want to be a voice actress T^T9

And finish my thesis. I also want that. But my tutor's kinda disappeared...and I'm starting to get kinda anxious here.

*sigh* Those are the only turn downs. But I guess that might be because it isn't the time to do those things just yet ;^;

:)

I'm also waiting for Star Trek: Into Darkness because of this:

(I'm being honest here, don't hate me! >3> *runs away*) And also because of all the explosions, sci-fi, spaceships blowing up in the middle of the sky, derranged chaos and destruction taking over our planet and neverending action package it promises to be :9 (Have you watched the trailers? Hm-mh!) And also because Harrison san seems to have an epic one-on-one battle with Spock san coughcoughoverKirkcoughwut...and it'll certainly be worth seeing XD

Less than a month now for it :9 °((>w<))° May 10th here~ :9 I'm saving money in order to watch it in IMAX...and THREEEEEEEDEEEEEEEEEEEE :VVV Because I need to see if I get a lot more excited about it that way XD

So, yeah. That's life now :3

Also, April's an important month for birthdays as well~ :3 I already said it but: Happy 20th, Kuro huuuuun~! I love you lots~ :3

Next birthdays'll be coming as the month wanes XD :3

So, you're finally gone...

Trolling dragon D:< Sorrow full (yeah, like this), sly, sadic dragon. But, most of all, a transforming one.

XDDD

Lesse what the serpent's got for us now. I just hope it's way better than the last long tailed, mytical animal that came here to remove everything from structure. Because it was just so...ridiculously tough ._____.

Well, not that mu--... No, yes. Tough and full of sadness, thoughts, regret, random and unexpected comebacks and somehow...loneliness...despair...confusion...but then not so much of it and it was just so...perfect and so full of all the people I needed there. And then I was thankful...and happy and felt something was somehow missing, but it made perfect sense because it was most certainly meant to be that way.

I knew it from the start. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. 

Well, it was as though everything just fitted into its rightful place in the end. But there's still lots to be done.

And lots of fabulous, beautiful, encouraging things happened. Or they shone their brightest and became a lot more important that they already were.

The dragon rewrote from scratch, I believe. I still need to make some removals...and change some more things. But let's do this thing right. I won't let anything scare me or stop me from doing all the things I want u.ú

This is the Guajiro Dreams Come True Year. And I'm gonna squeeze all the freaking juice out of it. Because I feel I have to. Because I feel I need to and I owe myself some sort of movement.

There are still some things lingering in the air and tension's still hard to cut through. It's a bubble growing larger and larger and larger and getting way too near to an innocent, passing-by needle. I'm scared... Pain scares me. I was so pained this year that I spent most of it sick in the toilet (ahaha...haha...ha >3>). But I so fecking need to get over that and stare straight onto the world's face because I'm so eating it this year.

I'm supposed to be a responsible adult now... And I don't really look much like one ^^; Or so I've been recently and insistently told u.u

I'm so glad this is over... But this new beginning also scares me lots XDDD As much as it makes me feel enthusiastic about it. Let's do this! The Game Is On! >w<9

Thank you, Trolling, Feckin' Dragon, for all the things you gifted me with and also for all the ones you took with you...and all the debris you left me with. I'm going to build something a lot better this time, I promise :') Or, at least, I'll try my best to do it u.u With all my might u.u9 Not only this Serpent Year, because I'd be asking way too much from myself XDD But as much as I can do...I will do. This year taught me so much about myself and the others that...I barely feel as the same person who started writing this blog about a year-and-so ago u.u

This end finished with lots of wonderful beginnings. I want them to continue...and become a reality of happiness and accomplishment in my life u.u It's up to me to do it u.u

Welcome, Serpent, Snake, whatever. I'm willing to take you on ¬3¬ XD

(This is the uncensored version of the same entry written in my dA journal XD)

And precisely as things get better...

...something has to happen to make them bad :D

Well, not bad, but kinda spoil them a tad bit.

So, I was all happy and stuff because of my jap class and because I kinda finally felt I was having a slight push of support from the Hawks...but there was this memory of a certain someone lingering in the air and I didn't like it.

It was awful because I knew what would happen. But I didn't want to be much of a paranoid and I wanted to give myself the chance to stop thinking...

But in the end I couldn't stop myself and it fecking happened.

I knew you were going to DM me or something yesterday. And you fecking did. It wasn't a long or meaningful conversation (actually, it was quite plain and dull ._____. So weird) because I didn't answer anything important and it wasn't recorded either because, as soon as we finished talking, I deleted all messages and e-mails Twitter sent to me. "I felt the need to know about you"... And then I came to the point where I asked myself whether I called you or you called me. I think it's the second. Because I really was coping with this quite fine...until someone (maybe you) started implanting memories of you and stuff inside my head .____. Fecking brainwaves.

I was so happy and you kinda crushed my happy illusion. Now I feel quite annoyed. Eff you. And eff stupid Valentine's Day vibes, because I think that's mostly why you thought that it'd prolly be a good idea to think of me and contact me. And I utterly dislike that ¬¬

Yeah, I'm pissed because I hate it when these kind of things happen. And also because I still can't forgive you ¬¬ And it hurts so badly still.

Funny thing was...I slept well at night. I say it was funny because, any other time, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from circling that matter in my head and I most certainly wouldn't have been able to sleep at all. But I did ._____. So that means...maybe I'm right at thinking it wasn't me calling you but the other way around.

Anyways, I needed help to cope with this and there were Sherlock and Al.

It's funny how I always obsess madly over some things when I'm feeling down. I must take note of that in case I ever get a partner...because it's sane to be obsessed with things and series...but being obsessed with someone is a whole new deal and it can be harmful u.u (Or so I believe, Iwek). I found two more artists to follow because they draw Sherlock stuff...but not only because of that. I love their drawing styles because...they are so cool XDDD And that makes me think I do wanna learn how to draw and have my own style because I don't wanna be grieving on the fact that I can't draw decently anymore XDD So, that's another resolution for this month XD

In case you wanna check them out, here & here they are :3 

Also, I'm reading fanfiction and watching vids and I think that's making me feel better again XD

So, I'm leaving you with a vid I found on Dailymotion related to The Hobbit XDDD It's relevant because of reasons. You might as well see, because it is actually funny XD

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xvx1rt_marry-kill-f-k_creation#.URW61R1dNu4

I've been renewing my stupid love for YGOTAS...and here's one of my favs...because of reasons XDDD

That's the version fangirls wanted to watch... But it was deleted in the end... Still, it is quite funny XDDD "In that case, Marik, if we win this duel, let us make sweet hatred together. Just you and me. Hating each other. All. Night. Long." XDDDDD

Ehehehehe~

Oh, and today's Shinji's birthday, SID's guitar. Aki's was on Sunday, SID's bass. I love them both. SID'll be releasing a new single on April :3 I'm way too excited for that one! They did such a good job with M&W... I hope they keep it that way :3

Aaaaaand...tomorrow's Tom Hiddleston's birthday ;v; God bless his beautiful soul because he's so sweet and amazing and I love him much :3

Sneaky, your four and your Disney princess are showing...

I know I said I was updating last Friday... But nothing much happened until now XD

First, I must say I do enjoy my Japanese class. It's pretty amazing! °((>w<))° I thought I was going to be way behind all those who had taken first level last semester with that teacher...but I'm pretty much fine XD But I sometimes get the impression some of my classmates think I know way more than I actually do u.u

I'm really happy, tho :DD Even when I get something wrong, I don't feel bad and just feel the will to keep learning to be better at it :3 It's been long since I last felt this way towards something related to school u.u

Second, I'm taking singing classes. And I feel so happy~ <3 But my teacher told me my voice is absolutely light and sweetens as it goes higher...which, immediately, made me think of a Disney princess or something. And it was something like that, actually...because she gave me the score of Someday My Prince Will Come of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I feel animals will come to me as soon as I open my mouth and start singing XD

There's this high-pitched note I dunno if I'll be able to hold... .______. I'll also be singing some barroque operas :D I'm slightly scared :D But quite excited too! °((>w<))°

And third...I've declared this year'll be the Guajiro Dreams Year :DDD Where I'll be making them come true :DDD I'm gonna do my best about it :3

Anyway, that's all I had to say =w=

Bonus:

Can you please explain me how are you so damn attractive? >/////< Damn, mister! >''<

Yeah, that means I like him much already >//3//>

And this XDD

I have a mighty need for this thing now XDDD Kid!Loki with his Stark Phone XDDDD

New things and I feel rather old XD

I'm starting Japanese classes tomorrow. It's weird because it's gonna be so different. And it's the only thing I'm gonna do. I'm sorta scared, y'know? It's been quite long since I last had a language class .____. I hope I still have the flavour. Might post my first week experience by Friday or something. I dunno. I feel old because I'm certain most of my classmates will be younger people and I don't tend to get along them...or with many people of my age, actually .____. (There are happy exceptions of course u.ub) Oh, the youth! .____.

I spent the night at my amore's house. I wanted to leave before night came, but I failed epically, so... No XD And we talked and LOL'd and were quite happy. I dunno . I felt somehow free. I feel like that every time I am with him. It's as though I can totally be myself when he's around. That's the magic of my Orion's belt *le sigh* I love them so much~ <3 I'm really, truly pleased :3

We watched Big Time Rush together and he was laughing way too much with me XD

In other news:

I'm kinda...not nostalgic. I dunno how I am. I don't feel down, but I've been kinda bringing back memories and stuff...but I won't do anything about it. I think it's OK to remember things and feel pleased or sweetly moved about them and just let them rush through you and leave. I feel I'm in some kind of pause again, but memories are surrounding me and I see them and smile at them, but I don't feel I miss that person per se. I just feel I miss our friendship...but not that person...as in...I wouldn't want to see them because it'd be quite awkward. Is it weird? XD

Anyways, bonus:

This mini song!comic by Reapersun @ tumblr. I loved that song ;^; So many feels T_T And the comic art's just gorgeous u.u Sherlock related, so... But I think you may get it anyways u.u

The Game Is On

The game is so on right now. It's in times like these when you realise how much of an adult you're supposed to be already u.u

What I do know about that is this: I'm so not one and I don't think I'm ready to do whatever I am supposed to do or what's expected of me as an adult...but I'll surely do my best. And, since people say I'm good at acting, I'm going to act as though I know what I'm doing, as Neil Gaiman said, and I'll make good art of my life :)

In other news, yesterday was the first anniversary of my grandpa's death. There are moments when his memory seems to linger in the air. Last week I dreamt of him...and he was crying. But mum and my youngest brother say they dreamt of him too and he was nice and happy. I dunno. Maybe my unconscious is pushing my angst to conciousness and picturing it with him ^^;

Anyways, gonna do my best to keep up >w<9

Just thinking about my future again XD

I never know anything .____.

It's midJan and I never even wished you a merry xmas ._____.

Merry Xmas and happy New Year! D: XD

I'm so bad at keeping blogs D: I sure am u.u Oh gee. I wanted to make a Sherlock and an OUAT review so badly...but I've been sorta tired. And I don't even know why .___. Maybe it's because I've been sorta depressed. And I don't even know why... Well, actually I do know why is that XDD

Last December I finished my college studies. I still need to write my thesis and I don't want to do it. Why? Because it takes way too much time and you usually are wrong in whatever you write and have to write it again. I hate that. But I also think that I should prolly have it done soon if I don't want to have that damn boulder on my back later on my life u.u

Why can't my school be as private universities here where you graduate just by sitting in their classrooms for four and a half years? This is so shitty u.ú (Here, public universities are said to be better than private ones u.u)

Also...I'm scared. Because writing a thesis is such a responsibility. And I don't think I'm ready to be responsible of whatever comes out of my head...and gets captured in paper sheets. I know I do feel responsible of my fanfics and the original stories I write and publish on my dA account...but it's not quite the same thing because this is formal and it's important in an academic level u.u I don't wanna screw it up. But I also don't want to make something big of it because I just want the damn paper that says I'm a college graduate =____=

And then comes my ego and tells me I should do something amazing...just to feel frustrated about not getting a honourable mention because of my crappy and mediocre school marks u.ú Mind you, it ain't because I'm stupid... Or maybe it is, because I wanted to learn even if it meant to have awful marks...and when I didn't learn a thing, I didn't even bother doing my best because the teacher and the subject didn't motivate me enough u.u

So, I think that, in short, I'm prolly scared of growing up but I don't wanna stick there for too long because I'm done already and I need to finish it right u.u

That's for one.

Then...ever since the world ended (for me it did...exactly two months before it was predicted to end), I've had this urge to leave everything I know behind me. Everything I was, everything I wanted to do...ALL of it. I've been trying hard to change. Of course it isn't easy. And I've also been trying to put an end to certain things I've been carrying on my back since High School. I've been changing my hair (now it is multicoloured XD), my dress style...even the way I walk. I'm not betraying myself, I'm just trying to polish the one I am in order to be who I am truly supposed to be and embrace that being. I'm trying to be fair and patient with myself and I'm trying to forgive myself for stupid things that I've done even though I knew I would hurt myself. It's hard. It's harder than I thought to reconcile with oneself. I always tend to expect so much of my person and I always end up disappointing me...but lately I've found I'm really able to do things I didn't know I could do and that makes me feel really positive and happy and even satisfied. But it's never good enough for me...and that's where I think I need to be more patient.

I finally ended something I was stuck with for about four, five years or something. And I felt great, because it had a happy ending. And that gave me a wonderful lesson about patience and love and calmness. I won't rush anything anymore. I won't rush myself to heal because that's not the answer or the way it is supposed to be. I think it's important to let time through and lick the wounds and heal the bruises because everything will fall into place when it has to. I'm way too impatient, I know. But I've to learn everything happens for a reason and I might have to find my way into this new world on my own...and then take care of this paused thing. And everything will be wonderful afterwards and it'll be a happy ending. Whatever happens. I'm sure of that :)

See? I'm depressed but I'm also quite positive about my immediate and far future XD *le sigh* =w=

In other news:

* My youngest brother's been quite supportive lately and I'm so thankful and happy for that.

* I'm finally taking japanese classes :9 I'll start in two weeks time :3

* I wanted to take russian too, but my school wouldn't let me ¬3¬

* I'm getting away from Twitter for three weeks or something more XD

* I've rediscovered my love for Kokia and I finally uploaded Karma's second chapter (almost a year after I posted the first one XD #fail). I should be planning the third one already .____. XD

* My acting teacher keeps telling me how much he enjoys my work and I'm happy about that :3 I just hope I can make a career outta that because I'd seriously love that. Dubbing,  I mean. Even singing.

* My mom's offering to pay my singing classes u.u So...I might just as well start with that this year, I dunno.

* The lady at Vocational Orientation at school told me my curriculum was quite nice and that she might have something for me to start my professional practices.

* I'm buying myself some new clothes to match my new coloured hair XDDD

Aaaaaand...I dunno what else ._____. But life's been quite nice this last week :3 I hope the whole year is like this ^^; Last was absolute crap .____. (Not all of it...but there were powerful things that took me off my centre and off balance ;^; I hope to fix that this year u.u)

No pic today because I dunno what to put here .____. XD Well, I do know but it's embarrassing, so no XD